I'm Doing My Best
I hope you know I’m doing my best.
I know it doesn’t always look like it. I know I’m not the person I was when you were here. I know I’m struggling in ways I never did before.
But I’m trying.
I’m getting up every morning even though all I want to do is stay in bed. I’m showing up for the people who need me even when I have nothing left to give. I’m functioning even though my world fell apart when you left.
Some days I do it well. Some days I barely make it through.
But I’m still here. Still breathing. Still trying to figure out how to live in a world that doesn’t have you in it.
And that’s harder than anyone realizes.
I forget things now. I cancel plans. I’m not as patient as I used to be. I cry at random times. I pull away when I should reach out.
I’m messier than I was. More broken. More tired.
But I’m doing my best.
And I hope wherever you are, you can see that. You can see me trying. Fighting. Surviving.
I hope you’re proud of me. Even on the days I’m not proud of myself.
Because I’m doing this for you. For me. For the life we had together that I’m trying to honor by not giving up.
It’s hard. So much harder than I ever thought it would be.
But I’m still here.
And I’m doing my best.
I hope that’s enough.
Thank you, I needed this today. Less than a week until the 6 year loss anniversary of my daughter's passing and somehow my grief feels heavier already than it did this time last year. Today, Google popped up some family photos from just 10 days before she passed whenever my family was WHOLE and HAPPY. I'be been quietly withdrawing and on the verge of tears at every turn. I'd call off work if I could. I so desperately wish someone would check in, but I've learned over the years that no one will.
Thankful to have found your Substack to read today. I am sorry for your losses.
Thank you for sharing your grief journey with us. 🫂