I Snapped Today

I snapped today.

Someone said something. Something they probably thought was helpful. Something they’ve said before. Something I’ve heard a hundred times from a hundred different people.

And I just... lost it.

I didn’t yell. I didn’t scream. But I said things I probably shouldn’t have said. Things that came out harsher than I meant them to. Things that made them look at me like I was the problem.

And maybe I am.

Maybe I should’ve handled it better. Maybe I should’ve been more patient. Maybe I should’ve just smiled and nodded like I always do.

But I couldn’t. Not today.

Because I’m tired.

I’m tired of people who don’t understand my grief trying to fix it. Trying to give me advice. Trying to tell me what I should be doing differently.

“You need to get out more.” “Have you tried therapy?” “You just need to stay positive.” “They wouldn’t want you to be sad.”

As if I haven’t tried. As if I’m choosing to feel this way. As if their five-minute pep talk is going to undo the devastation of losing someone I love.

They don’t get it. They can’t. Because they haven’t lived it.

And I’m tired of pretending their advice is helpful when it’s not. I’m tired of protecting their feelings while mine are being ignored. I’m tired of being nice when what I really want to say is “shut up.”

So today, I didn’t.

And now I feel guilty. Because they meant well. Because they were trying to help. Because I’m supposed to be grateful that people care enough to say anything at all.

But I’m not grateful. I’m angry.

Angry that they think they know what I need. Angry that they’re uncomfortable with my grief and want me to fix it so they feel better. Angry that I have to manage their discomfort on top of my own pain.

I didn’t handle it well. I know that.

But I’m not sorry.

Because I’m done pretending. Done nodding along. Done acting like unsolicited advice from people who have no idea what this feels like is something I should appreciate.

I’m grieving. And that’s messy. And uncomfortable. And sometimes I don’t handle things the way I should.

And that’s just going to have to be okay.

Because I can’t keep managing everyone else’s comfort while I’m drowning.

I can’t keep being polite when people say things that hurt.

I can’t keep pretending I’m fine just to make other people feel better about my grief.

So yeah. I snapped today.

And I’m not apologizing for it.

Because sometimes, this is what grief looks like.

Raw. Messy. Reactive. Real.

And if people can’t handle that, they can step back.

Because I’m doing the best I can. And some days, my best is just surviving.

Even if it’s not pretty.