How Am I Meant to Accept This?

How am I meant to accept that our time together in this lifetime is over?

I don’t know how to do that.

I don’t know how to accept that I’ll never see you again. Never hear your voice. Never hug you. Never talk to you.

I don’t know how to accept that this is it. That what we had is all we’ll ever have. That there are no more moments coming. No more memories to make. No more time.

How do I accept that?

People keep telling me I need to. That acceptance is part of healing. That I have to come to terms with the fact that you’re gone.

But I don’t want to accept it.

Because accepting it feels like giving up. Like letting go. Like saying it’s okay that you’re not here anymore.

And it’s not okay.

It will never be okay.

You were supposed to be here. We had plans. We had a future. We had so much left to do together.

And now none of that is going to happen.

How am I supposed to accept that? How am I supposed to make peace with the fact that our time together is over when I’m not ready for it to be over?

I’ll never be ready.

I could have a hundred more years, and I still wouldn’t be ready to lose you.

But I don’t get a choice. I don’t get more time. I don’t get to keep you.

Our time together in this lifetime is over. And I have to live with that.

Even though I don’t know how.

Even though every part of me is screaming that it’s not fair. That it’s not right. That this shouldn’t be happening.

I’m supposed to accept it. Move forward. Build a life without you.

But how?

How do I build a life that doesn’t include the person who was my whole world?

How do I accept that I’ll spend the rest of my life without you when all I want is one more day?

I don’t have answers. I don’t have acceptance. I don’t have peace with any of this.

I just have grief. And anger. And this unbearable reality that our time together is over.

And I don’t know if I’ll ever accept that.

Maybe acceptance isn’t the point. Maybe I’m not supposed to be okay with this.

Maybe I’m just supposed to survive it. One day at a time. Carrying the weight of knowing our time is over while still loving you just as much as I did when you were here.

Maybe that’s all I can do.

Not accept it. Just live with it.

For the rest of my life.